Adventures in Parenting

Grandmummy related the following incident to me:

Today Grandmummy (our hybrid British-American name somewhere between grandmother and mummy) took Elisabeth to tennis. On the return trip, they rode the subway and then walked home from the subway station. En route, Elisabeth asked, "Grandmummy, do you know what Make My Cake is?"

"No. What is it?"

"It is a place where you can get nice things to eat."

"Where is it?"

"Right there. We just passed it."

"Why don't we go in and see what they have?" replied Grandmummy.

Two aspects of their conversation jumped out to me. First, Elisabeth is learning social graces. Rather than saying, "Grandmummy, will you please get me a cookie at the bakery?" she took a less direct approach. Second, when they went inside, she asked if they could get six cookies - so that each of us could enjoy a cookie for dessert after dinner.

Elisabeth is already notorious for being generous with gifts she receives. This was just another instance that warmed my heart.

Routines are important. There is hardly a day that passes that I'm not thankful for good routines that maintain order and peace.

One that I am particularly thankful for is our after-school routine. On arriving home (usually after playing in the park or playground), Elisabeth takes out her lunch things to wash, and pulls up a chair to do her homework and practice the piano while I get her a snack.

This is precisely the routine that I wanted, but I don't think I expected it to work so well. For some reason, Elisabeth has really thrived on the routine, and does it by second nature.  Now we need to streamline the morning routine so that it can be just as smooth . . .

Every night, Elisabeth reads to us from books that she has brought home from school. On Mondays and Wednesdays, the books are in English; on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the books are in Spanish. (Monday and Wednesday are English days in the classroom; Tuesday, Thursday and Friday are in Spanish.)

Since it is part of our daily routine, I don't think much about it. We just do it. Yet tonight, as she was reading to me from a little Spanish book, I realized, "My kindergarten daughter is reading to me in Spanish!" This is why we decided to invest in bilingual education. I'm thrilled to think that in a couple of years, she'll be speaking and writing fluently in Spanish, as well as reading!

Elisabeth has had a loose tooth for the past week or two. I (wrongly) predicted that it would fall out two days ago. Somehow it held on.


These pictures don't do it justice.



I can't figure out how it was still attached to her gums, except perhaps by suction. After taking these pictures, Elisabeth pulled it right out!



I had expected fear and tears, but instead it was all smiles!

Today my neighbor, Mike, and I undertook to excavate, weed, and sow flowers (and a few vegetables) in the vacant lot behind our house. Of course, Elisabeth and Zoe were fearless helpers, handing us tools over the fence, getting more garbage bags, and fetching drinking water.

After we finished, I discovered that in April of 2008 Elisabeth and Zoe had partnered in another local revitalization.



The tree well in front of the brownstone adjacent to ours had been a rubbish bin. The girls planted pachysandra. It didn't survive, so we tried again.



Not much better the second time than the first. But last year we found the solution: zinnia.



This year we replanted the tree well with "cut and come again" zinnia, as well as three window boxes in front of the house! Who wouldn't want flowers in front of your house that you can cut for tables flowers!?

This afternoon Elisabeth and I spent some time in the garden throwing a ball. After a few tips and a little bit of practice, she had an impressive, fluid throwing motion. In fact, you might even say, "She throws like a boy!"

"Read more!" Elisabeth exclaimed, but I couldn't. I had just read these words:

"'There was a real railway accident,' said Aslan softly. 'Your father and mother and all of you are - as you used to call it in the Shadowlands - dead. The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning.'

And as He spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth had read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."

These are the final words of C.S. Lewis' The Last Battle. There is no more of Narnia to read (except to re-read!); but what a love for literature - and the Reality to which it points - it has inspired in Elisabeth!

On Monday and Tuesday I was speaking at the Parents as Teachers National Conference in St. Louis. That meant that on those days Mommy packed Elisabeth's lunch instead of Daddy - and Mommy is notorious for being thoughtful. 
When I arrived in St. Louis and opened my suitcase, I found a bag of gummy bears stuffed in my shoe with a note from Mommy, Reece's Peanut Butter cups in zipper pocket, and a card in the pocket of my trousers! Elisabeth received the same special treatment at home while I was gone. Mommy packed a little note in her lunch each day that said something like, "I love you Elisabeth" or "Mommy and Daddy love you!" 

On both Monday and Tuesday, when Mommy arrived to pick Elisabeth up from Kindergarten, Elisabeth had her lunch note in her hand, and was waving it excitedly. Yesterday Mommy wrote her little notes on masking tape, which was afixed to Elisabeth's lunch containers. Elisabeth emerged from school with the masking tape plastered across the front of her shirt.

Then when we arrived home, Elisabeth made a card for Mommy that said, "Elisabeth and Daddy love Mommy" (decorated, of course, with hearts and flowers). When Mommy arrived home from work, Elisabeth surreptitiously put the card in Mommy's bag for her to find the next day at work.

In a truly wonderful way, what goes around comes around.

After I lost our first soccer ball, I wanted to find another that was ethically made. So I stalled on buying a ball, since I didn't know where the balls in my local sports stores originated. In my search, I came upon Fair Trade Sports, and their size 3 soccer ball, which is exactly what I was looking for.

It arrived this week, and we have been playing with it every day. Elisabeth is remarkably adept with her feet (story to come on tennis, which doesn't come quite as naturally as soccer). It must be her blood relation to uncles Gordon and Roger.

Lately we have been reading aloud together often. At Rebecca's prompting, I'm going to keep a running list here of what we've read (and enjoyed) until we get the Tumblon book list feature built.

1. Little House on the Prairie (Laura Ingalls Wilder)
2. Little House in the Big Woods (Laura Ingalls Wilder)
3. The Tale of Despereaux (Lisa DiCamillo)
4. More Tales from Grandma's Attic (Arleta Richardson)
5. Still More Tales from Grandma's Attic (Arleta Richardson)
6. Betsy's Busy Summer (Carolyn Haywood)
7. B is for Betsy (Carolyn Haywood)
8. Betsy's Winterhouse (Carolyn Haywood)
9. Heidi (Johanna Spyri)

What are some of your favorite books to read aloud? (I need to start another post with a list of books that Elisabeth reads to us - and all of us enjoy!)

When I taught early elementary grades, I encouraged my students to make different kinds of connections:

1. Self-to-text: when they identified with something in a story.
2. Text-to-world: when then related literature to the real world.
3. Text-to-text: when they saw a relationship between two pieces of text.

Today we had one of those text-to-world connections. I took Elisabeth to the Met for Start with Art, and we spent our time in the Ancient Near East galleries, where we looked at lion reliefs commissioned by Nebuchadnezzar II for the city of Babylon.

When we opened up the Bible this evening to read, we found ourselves reading Daniel 2, where Daniel interacted with the same king who commissioned the lions.

Our oral hygiene routine at night includes Elisabeth brushing her teeth, parental re-brushing, and then parental flossing. True to form, last night I left Elisabeth in the bathroom to brush her teeth while I went to put some clean clothes away.

When I returned, the bathroom light was off, and I quickly flicked the switch to turn it on - and found my finger sticky with blue toothpaste!

I have to give her credit. She got me!

Yesterday we took a trip to the library to find books about Philadelphia so that we'll have a little bit of historical and geographical background for our time there later this week. One of the best books that we found on the stacks was Saving the Liberty Bell, a slightly fictionalized and well illustrated book of a boy who is involved in rescuing the Liberty Bell (before it was cracked!) from the redcoats.

Even though Elisabeth has very little prior knowledge about Philadelphia, the revolutionary war, or the Liberty Bell, she was excited to read the book and gained a sense of why that piece of metal is such an important part of our nation's history.

Here's what happens when you have a friend who's a great photographer with a great camera:







Thanks, Dawn!

Over the past several weeks, the Holy Spirit has been guiding me repeatedly to the discipline of meditation - that is of learning to dwell on Scripture, and use it as the instrument of worship, confession and petition. I often fragment and silo those four into separate areas; but I've been rebuked by older, wiser folks who are teaching me to pray through Scripture.

So I've been beginning to teach Elisabeth the same. I explained to Elisabeth that when we read Scripture, we want to respond to God in the ways that are appropriate - worship, confession, and request. We put this strategy into practice that night in our family worship time. However, I was quite surprised the next night when, after asking and answering a question from the catechism, Elisabeth responded in prayer (without prompting) thanking God for His way of saving us, and asking Him to forgive us. What a delight! I wish that I had begun to cultivate this habit at her age!

We kept Elisabeth in velcro shoes for a long time because they allowed her to be responsible. We could tell her to put her shoes on, and she could do the task entirely by herself. So we probably waited longer than we should have to begin to teach her to tie shoes. Over the last few weeks we've been practicing more. And yesterday, Elisabeth ran up to me (in her shoes with laces) and said, "Look at this Daddy!" Sure enough, they were tied in a bow (and not in a succesion of 18 single knots!).

We enjoyed a wonderful visit from Granddaddy this week. Elisabeth did all sorts of things with him.

The drew . . .



and played games



and practiced math facts



and explored the playground.



They did the slides together.



Elisabeth even convinced Granddaddy to follow her down the slide!



Of course, Granddaddy also had some quality time with his youngest grandchild.



What a wonderful visit!

Overheard today, as Elisabeth spun in circles:

"I want to fly, high in the sky . . . just like a pigeon. I want to be just like a pigeon."

She continued for a few more ad lib stanzas and added:

" . . . or maybe an eagle."

Last night Elisabeth spent the night with our friends (who also happen to be our downstairs neighbors). I returned from the hospital at about 3:45am and crashed on the futon, and didn't see Elisabeth until her perky face roused me from slumber.

Since we hadn't divulged her sister's name to her before the birth, I asked her, "What do you think your sister's name is?"
"Kate!" she quickly replied.
"Very close," I said, "her name is Katherine Mae. Who do you think named her?"
"Mommy," Elisabeth replied.
"Who else?" I prompted.
"Aunt Kate?" she tried.
I tried a different tack: "Who do you think named you?"
"Mom and Dad!" she replied.

In my search for easy readers, I have been frequently disappointed with the lack of plot. The obvious exceptions are authors like Dr. Seuss who spin hilarious tales with short, simple words. However, the length of The Cat in the Hat and the like can be intimidating for Elisabeth. So after becoming acquainted with Mo Willems through his fantastic Knuffle Bunny stories, I checked out four of his Elephant and Piggie books.

They are fantastic for Elisabeth, with simple text, a fun plot and clever illustrations. I'd highly recommend them for emergent readers!

Yesterday I took Elisabeth and Zoe to the Met for their art class. We arrived early and wandered around the Greek and Roman galleries, where we found this fountain.



The girls noticed all the coins in the fountain and asked me, "Why is there money in here?" I stumbled for words. "People think it gives them good luck?" I happened to have my ipod in my pocket, and there was a wifi network in the gallery, so I googled "throwing coins in fountain" and it pulled up a New York Times article that cited one of the Met historians on the origin of the practice:

Joan Mertens, the Met’s curator of Greek and Roman art, came up with a story, appropriately enough, from ancient Greece. Amasis, the king of Egypt in the sixth century B.C., predicted trouble for his ally Polykrates unless Polykrates showed some humility. Amasis, Ms. Mertens said, told Polykrates he should throw into the sea his most valued possession: an emerald ring.

“Sort of as proof or a sign, someone in Polykrates’s household came in with a big fish who had the ring in his stomach,” she said, “so it came back to him.”

From that, she said, came the notion of “casting away something that is meaningful to you, and if you’re lucky, you will be reunited with it.”

I learned something, and enjoyed yet another trip to the Met.

A recent conversation:

Dad: Do you remember what Ezra's name means?
Elisabeth: Help is here.
D: Do you remember what your name means?
E: No. What does it mean?
D: Devoted to God.
E: What does your name mean, Mommy?
R: Steadfast.
E: What does your name mean, Daddy?
D: Grey house.
E: Oh.

Today I set up the bassinet for our expected little girl. (No, she's not due until the end of February; but when Elisabeth was born, I was not ready in advance, so I'm starting earlier this time.) When I got it all put together, Elisabeth said,

"You can put it in my room. I want to share my room with my sister."

That warms my heart.

A conversation this afternoon:

E: Dad!

D: Can you say that with a whiny voice?

E: [Whiny] Da-a-ad!

D: Well done. Why can you do that whiny voice so well?

E: Because I'm a girl!

We just received a set of cuisinaire rods in the mail. Elisabeth knew just what to do with them . . . play! She took them out and stood them in order from largest to smallest. Then she started making combinations to match the length of a long rod. Then she turned to patterns.

It is no wonder that these math manipulatives are wonderful for exploration, visual perception, and a host of mathematic skills. I'm looking forward to playing with them!

Last week Elisabeth and I were out for a walk. She was on her scooter, and I was walking behind her. I called out, "Elisabeth slow down," and she didn't slow down. It was then that I realized something: she didn't hear me. How do I know? Because when she hears me, she obeys.

Parenting is so much easier when obedience is expected. I immediately knew that Elisabeth couldn't hear me because she knows that disobedience is not tolerated. So I had three choices: (1) yell louder [which I hate doing] (2) catch up to her before calling again, or (3) wait and trust her to slow down at the corner. I chose number 3, and she slowed down and waited for me to catch up.

Elisabeth has renamed two body parts, one as airports and the other as nozzles. Any guesses on what your airports and nozzles are?

Yesterday, we had lots of snow at Pop-pop's house. We tried sledding (see the video of Funny Frank), and didn't have much success, so we took to snowman building.

Elisabeth was a natural


She helped Uncle Frank with the face


and set the eyes


We finished one . . .


and decided that we should make another.

The big one was over seven feet tall!

From the kitchen, I overheard Elisabeth:

"I . . . I . . and . . . the . . . play . . . make . . ."

She was reading . . . all of the words she recognized.

Recently we picked up a book of poetry by Shel Silverstein at our local library. We devoured most of the book in the first day. I read Elisabeth Smart:

My dad gave me one dollar bill
'Cause I'm his smartest son,
And I swapped it for two shiny quarters
'Cause two is more than one!

Then I took the quarters
And traded them to Lou
For three dimes - I guess he don't know
That three is more than two!

Just then, along came old blind Bates
And just 'cause he can't see
He gave me four nickels for my three dimes,
And four is more than three!

And I took the nickels to Hiram Coombs
Down at the seed-feed store,
And the fool gave me five pennies for them,
And five is more than four!

And then I went and showed my dad,
And he got red in the cheeks
And closed his eyes and shook his head -
Too proud of me to speak!

The humor of the poem was entirely lost on Elisabeth. She told me that she didn't want her dollar bill. "It takes up too much space. I like the coins better." So we've been playing coin games during our math sessions this week. Elisabeth still thinks that paper money isn't as good as coins - but at least now she's beginning to understand that 1 can be more than 5, when the 1 is a dollar and the 5 are pennies.

Elisabeth has made enormous gains in reading over the past month. She read I Love My New Toy by Mo Willems this week with hardly any help. It is a delightful, simple book that provides some smiles and a great ending.

Elisabeth is never short on good questions. Today there were two new ones:

1. How does a song get on a CD?
2. How do you make a speaker?

I have a lot to learn in order to give intelligent answers!

Yesterday, Elisabeth received a Smart Globe for her birthday.

You can use the "smart pen" to tap any place on the globe (or pull out map of the United States) and learn about just about anything you would want to know about that place. (It even updates the content from the internet via a usb cable.) Elisabeth thinks it is fantastic. (Thanks Pop-pop!)

So last night she said,

"Daddy, can we just do the learning about states part of family worship?"

A conversation yesterday:

Elisabeth: Dad, what do you want to give me for Christmas?
Dad: A hug.
E: What else do you want to give me?
D: A kiss.
E: What do you want to give me that can go in a stocking?

Elisabeth does not often travel by car. Today we spent about 2 hours in the car, and Elisabeth summed up her experience in a single sentence:

"I'm hungry, tired, thirsty and I need to go to the toilet."

Yesterday on the bus, Elisabeth and I read about the four Presidents whose faces appear on Mount Rushmore. I couldn't help but think just how important it is to know our history.

We read from What Your Kindergartner Needs to Know the legend of George Washington and the cherry tree. It provided the perfect context for me to ask Elisabeth: Why was George Washington afraid of his father? What had he done that was wrong? Why did it take courage to admit his fault? Why was his father happier to have a done who admitted his wrong than lied about it?

Then we read a short selection about Abraham Lincoln, who grew up in a small cabin with only one window, and only one book (the Bible). It was a great reminder to me of just how much I need my perspective adjusted frequently. I think that because we live in a modified one-bedroom apartment that we are somehow lacking. Yet we have five windows(!), running water, a refrigerator, a gas stove, hundreds of books - and most important of all a loving family. I would rather have character like Lincoln and lack things than have an abundance of things and be a fool.

Last night, Elisabeth tried out an ultimatum on us:

"If you don't give me dessert now I'll never eat dessert again!"

I think that tops the list of idle threats.

Much to my surprise, Elisabeth enjoys doing word searches! (I didn't think she would have the stamina to search for the words.) She just plopped herself down on the couch with a Highlights word search and started finding and circling the words - and reading them aloud.

Clearly she gets all her intelligence from her mother.

Two days ago, we read one of my favorite passages from The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.

Mr. and Mrs. Beaver are telling the Pevensie children about Aslan:

    'Is - is he a man?' asked Lucy.
    'Aslan a man!' said Mr Beaver sternly. 'Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-beyond-the-sea. Don't you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion - the Lion, the great Lion.'
    'Ooh!' said Susan, 'I'd thought he was a man. Is he - quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.'
    'That you will, dearie, and no mistake,' said Mrs Beaver; 'if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly.'
    'Then he isn't safe?' said Lucy.
    'Safe?' said Mr. Beaver; 'don't you hear what Mrs Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.'

[Apparently Lewis didn't use periods after Mr and Mrs . . .]

Today Elisabeth played with wedgits today at a friend's house and raved about them. I can see why. They're a new twist on building blocks.

Elisabeth asked me today, "How do you make a book?"

We watched this video that tells a fascinating story of how books were made a long time ago.

Today Elisabeth and I began reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (from the same copy my parents read to me as a child). As Lucy pushed through the wardrobe into Narnia, I paused to ask Elisabeth, "What do you think the cold, soft stuff is that she felt under her feet?" She replied, "Maybe snow or rain . . . but she's in a closet!"

We continued reading the account of Lucy wandering out to the lamp post and meeting Tumnus, the faun. Elisabeth listened with great interest to the description of Tumnus. She asked me repeatedly of this selection, "Is this real? Is Lucy pretending?" I said, "She's not pretending, she has really stepped into another world," at which Elisabeth's face lit up with excitement. However, she found a way to reframe her question about Tumnus. After asking, "Is he real?" and receiving the answer that he is, and is not just Lucy's imagination, she asked, "Is he real in our neighborhood?"

What a brilliant way for a child to embrace and understand fantasy - while distinguishing it from "our neighborhood."

This morning I put my backpack on the counter and knocked the coffee canister off the counter and onto the floor where the top broke off, spilling beans everywhere. I looked at it and said, "I don't think I can fix this, because the top broke right off."

Without missing a beat, Elisabeth suggested:

"How about Gorilla Glue?"

Clearly one of us is smarter than the other.

Last night's conversation:

Elisabeth: "Maybe I'll be taller than you when I'm six."

Mommy: "Probably not when you're six."

Elisabeth: "Then maybe when I'm seven or eight."

Tonight, lying in bed, Elisabeth said to me:

"My back likes to be scratched."

It is not unlike what she would say when she was only one year old (to try to keep us from leaving the room:

"Skatch my back!"

Since Mommy is a developmental pediatrician, sometimes it makes sense for her to bring her work home with her. On several occasions she has brought home assessments that she uses in the office with her patients.

With Elisabeth she frames them as "games," and Elisabeth loves Mommy's games because they challenge her. One of those "games" was to see how many steps of an instruction Elisabeth could remember. First was a single direction, then a two-step direction, and so on. If I remember correctly, Elisabeth could remember and sequence 5 directions!

Today on the bus Elisabeth and I composed a story called Funny Frank following on the genre of Curious George.  As she made up the story, I realized just how fun and important it is to create stories and poetry together regularly. It encourages a creative use of language that doesn't otherwise happen.

From our catechism:

What is the eighth commandment?
The eighth commandment is, You shall not steal.

What does the eighth commandment tell us to do?
To be honest and to work hard to look after ourselves and others, and to respect the property of others.

When I asked the second question, Elisabeth answered:

"To be honest and work too hard . . ."

She's already catching onto the protestant work ethic.

E.B. White has been immensely helpful in our transition to longer stories. First we read Charlotte's Web, and now we are in the midst of Stuart Little. White's rich descriptions and short chapters are perfect for young listeners. Each chapter has its own tension and resolution, so the child doesn't feel like she's listening to an interminably long book. So when we finish Stuart Little, we're going to pick up The Trumpet of the Swan!

This afternoon Elisabeth and I played catch with a small basketball. Until today "playing catch" has meant me throwing the ball to land between her outstretched hands and chest while she closes her eyes. Needless to say, unless my toss was perfect, the ball usually bounced to the ground.

Today was a different story. We started out in the usual mode, and then I decided to throw only to her hands, and not into the hand/arm/chest basket. After a few tries, she was using her hands to try to catch the ball. With a bit more practice, she even kept her eyes open! After 15 minutes, she was catching 90 percent of my tosses (first from about 3 feet away, and then graduating to 8 or 10 feet back).

Today I observed one of those amazing leaps forward in child development in the span of only 15 minutes. What an amazing privilege of parenting!

(You can bet we'll be back outside with the basketball tomorrow  . . .)

Recently Elisabeth was upset and wanted to be alone. So she wrote a sign and put it on her door. It read:

    "No peple."

(We helped her add the "o" even though she was grumpy.)

Elisabeth, receiving her bowl of ice cream, said with confidence:

    "I promise I might not spill."

I think her experience has made her guarded in her proclamations.

I have been amazed to see how well Elisabeth responds to limits. She seems to already understand that limits are good for her, and often confesses breaking them, even when we are not aware that she has done so. She will come to me and say, "Daddy, I did ___," without prompting.

It so warms my heart to know that she understands and embraces these limits, and is not afraid to confess when she has broken them. What a happy way to grow up!

So far Elisabeth is partial to Mommy. Daddy's voice just doesn't cut it to calm her down.

I never realized how attentive an infant could be. She focuses on us, and is seemingly just as interested in us as we are in her!

Elisabeth used a stroller both to learn how to walk, and to carry her doll, Penny.